Star Trek: Federation Installation Nine, Episode 4 Hello Kitty (Part Two)

HELLO KITTY
(Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner!)

For most of the next day, things went quietly along. The peace ended when Security-Chief escorted Jacobs, roughly into my office. “LET ME GO! You over grown hair ball before I have you neutered!”, Jacobs yells, pulling her arm from Security-Chief’s grasp. “Careful FEMALE!”, Security-Chief growls, “If you were a male, I could well be carrying what’s left of your naked monkey carcass to Sick Bay for a post-mortem at this moment!” I see they have forgotten about me so, I remind them, “Is thisss just between you two orrr can I get involved?” Remembering where they are, both come to attention and Security- Chief explains, “This female was bothering Lord Huhuff-Riit’s kzinrrets!” “I was NOT!”, Jacobs replies. Fearing the worst and trying not to show my anger at Jacobs apparently breaking her oath I ask, “Why were you where kzinrrets werrre then?” “I was called to their quarters about that temperature problem.”, she explains.  “Was bothering the kzinrrets part of your work?”, Security-Chief asks sarcastically. “I just patted one on the top of her head!”, Jacobs replies. Wanting to end this and, get Jacobs alone I say, “Securrrity-Chief, you must underrrstand humansss attraction for creaturesss with body furrr. Some have hard time separrrating theirrr instinctive feelingsss forrr theirrr, uh petsss with theirrr actionsss toward onesss like us. Was Huhuff-Rrriit upset?” As Jacobs rolls her eyes, Security-Chief answers, “Fortunately he was NOT there at the time but, his guards will tell him of the touching!” “When they do I am surrre he will contact you, call me and I will trrry and appologize forrr Jacobsss’ missstake.”, I say. Jacobs begins to open her mouth but I silence her the way I have seen other humans call for quiet, I raise a claw to my mouth. This seems to satisfy Security-Chief so he asks to be excused. I grant it and wait until I am reasonably sure he is gone before continuing with Jacobs. “I thought we agreed we would NOT do anything to endangerrr little Kzinrret!”, I begin. “I wasn’t! I WAS called to their quarters and, she came up to me as if asking if I found her note! All I wanted to do was to let her know we had!”, she defends. “Still, you could have put her and maybe otherrrs in terrrible dangerrr!”, I say. “Others?”, Jacobs asks.  “Possibly, look here.”, I say showing her what information I have found on kzinrrets and the genetic manipulations that were done on them by the male Kzinti in the distant past. At one time both male and female Kzinti were smaller and about equal as far as mental faculties were concerned. When the Jotoki tried to enlist the Kzinti as fighters and were instead enslaved by them, the Kzinti received a vast amount of technical knowledge. One thing they used the knowledge for was to climb into space, the other was to alter their genetic evolution. The males they made larger and stronger. They also had to make the females larger but, to make their new size less of a problem they took away the female’s intelligence. However because of the way genes work in reproduction, they could not just remove the ‘smart’ genes from the DNA, they had to be ‘turned off’ and, “using an example from human history, where fammmily had young born as furry as Caitian, what can be turrrned off can alssso be turned back on.”, I theorize. “You mean there could be MANY other ‘throw backs’!?”, she asks cryptically. “Throw Backsss?”, I ask. “Females like our kzinrret.”, she clarifies. “I am NOT geneticist but, it possible.”, I answer. “How would they escape detection and death?”, Jacobs asks. “I have NO idea!”, I say adding, “Do you think she underrrstood message?” “Message!? Oh. . . YES, she seemed to. If I read Kzinti body language right!”, she says, “Is there ANY way we can help her?” “I am NOT surrre, nothing in Federrration Law coverrrs thisss and, she belongsss to citizen of anotherrr goverrrnment.”, I comment, adding, “And that goverrrnment thinksss of her as non-sssentient. About only law that comesss clossse coverrrs transssportation of dangerrrous animalsss.” “But she’s NOT an animal!”, Jacobs protests. “I know!”, I answer, “I will keep hunting and, you be careful! In otherrr wordsss, DO NOT PET THE ANIMALSss!” With a brief show of disgust at my reference to a sign I once saw on Earth in a facility for creatures called a zoo, she promises she will.  “One otherrr item.”, I say as Jacobs gets ready to leave. “WHAT!?”, she asks in a less than polite tone.  “THISss!”, I say, throwing her a Padd. “Are they INSANE!?!?”, she asks. “Most probably.”, I answer, adding, “But then when ARE Admiralsss that run Starfleet not, Lieutennnant Commanderrr?” “Sef, you’ve been around those Kzinti too long, you’re starting to talk like them.”, Jacobs comments.  “What you mean?”, I question innocently. “The way you addressed me Lieutenant-Commander, shouldn’t that have been Jacobs-Lieutenant eh?”, she says. In a wicked tone I ask, “Am I to underrrstand you turning down promotion Jacobsss?” “A PROMO. . . But, I don’t have enough Service Time to qualify for a promotion and even if I did I’m now only a Lieutenant Junior Grade!”, she answers totally puzzled. “That may be but, thisss situation is at best unusual and callsss for unusual actionsss. My Chief Enginnneerrr is going to be called upon to deal with itemsss not related to normal dutiesss.  MOST OF ALL she will have to deal with Romulansss and I think ANYONE deservesss promotion forrr dealing with them! Asss to large jump in grrrade, it hasss been my experience that Romulan Commandersss do not like dealing with any rrrank under Lieutenant Commanderrr.”. I explain, “You hearrrd Huhuff-Riit tell Captain Rikerrr, “serve yourrr superiorsss well and you will share in theirr glory” “Or their disaster.”, she adds. “Kzinti are optimistsss.” I say, “Do you think you can prevail overrr problemsss?” “YES SIR!”, Jacobs says standing at attention and acting like a proper Lieutenant Commander or possibly mocking me, “I might be the youngest Lieutentant Commander in Starfleet!” “If so, we fit well, I am probably OLDEST Commander!”, I reply, “As you can read, they expect FI-9 to act asss suppporrrt forrr repairrr facility, house surrrplusss crewsss of vesselsss while they are underrr repairrr and provide hospital servicesss. I thought we could use Toes fourrr and five forrr housing and hospital. They are farthest remmoved from Heel so we can contrrol accesss and as of now, not in use.” “I’ll need loads of equipment!”, she comments, “FAST!”  “That not problem, I wasss told we have what called ‘carte blanch’. Put lissst togetherrr and transmit it to Starrr Fleet Command quickly.” I continue discussing what things we will need to do to be ready for the assignment. At this moment, the Federation is assembling a convoy of tugs and support vessels to tow a motley collection of orbital installations including a number of Space Docks to a star system near FI-9. That system has a marginally Class M, glaciated planet where the Federation will construct warehouse and shop facilities. In orbit around the planet, in addition to the Space Docks will be an administration complex, possibly an old Regula Class station, if they can find one still in operational condition. “Forrr momment, keep all thisss silent, I will call ssstaf meeting to formally announce all thisss afterrr Huhuf-Riit leavesss.”, I instruct.  “What about Doctor Selar? I will need her input on the Sick Bay?”, Jacobs asks. “She hasss already been informed.”, I answer. Jacobs nods and departs.
One thing that DID go smoothly was today’s Holodeck ‘hunt’. From Security-Chief’s report I understand no hunter was injured and no damage was done to the equipment which in itself amazing considering what animal the Kzinti went after. I assume a few of Huhuff-Riit’s guards must have joined the hunt because I do not believe two Kzinti could bring down a full grown African Bull Elephant! Fortunately for the Replicators, no trophy was requested by Huhuff-Riit. Knowing how the Kzinti eat, probably there was nothing left for a trophy.

“Gerve to D’Sefet!”, a gruff Tellarite voice interrupts Security-Chief, Huhuff-Riit and, I as we are talking about their Holodeck ‘hunt’ the next day. “Excuse me, that my First Officerrr, on board Bastet.”, I say, continuing, “D’Sefet here, go ahead Gerve.” “The Bastet is ready for it’s patrol Commander.”, Gerve reports, “It’s your turn to command.” “YOUR turn!?”, Huhuff-Riit asks with a gesture of bemusement, continuing, “Kzinti officers DO NOT share their commands!” “It is bit unusual forrr Starrrfleet oficersss as well but, I am responsible for both Station and Federation borderrr. I need to know what happpening in both well. As it is said, “If you sit on yourrr pawsss, they will only become numb”.”, I explain. “Interesting command philosophy, D’Sefet-Commander. I would like the honor of accompanying you.”, Huhuff-Riit says. Before I can open my mouth I notice an almost human look of pleading on Security-Chief’s face. Although having a passenger on a patrol is not the norm, I answer, “It would be honorrr to have you asss observerrr on mission!” Security-Chief signals his pleasure by a twitch of his ears. “I to would like to go with you on this hunt!”, Security-Chief announces. One Kzinti on a small ship like the Bastet is a problem, two would be IMPOSSIBLE! So I answer, “I need you to guard station and protect personel on it, including Huhuff-Riit’s kzzinrretsss. I will take 4 of 5 with me.” Although visibly disappointed, he knows I am right and accepts my decision with a nod.
Jacobs intercepts me as I am on my way to get Huhuff-Riit and transport to the Bastet. “I hear we are going to have a passenger on this trip eh?”, she begins. “Not WE.”, I correct. “But, I’m Chief Engineer on the Bastet!”, she protests. “I know but, I need you here to watch out for ourrr special one and if something happensss, to help herrr if posssible.”, I remind. “Right! But you take good care of MY ship eh.”, she answers as she stops and heads back to her duties.

Two extra large Kzinti guards stiffen as I approach Huhuff-Riit’s quarters. “I am here forrr Huhuff-Riit, he is expecting me”, I announce. Raking the claws in front of their own faces as a salute, one disappears through the door. Returning, he says, "His glory will receive you, please enter."
I thought the sound of jaws of the Bastet’s Bridge Crew dropping was extremely loud when the half-Terran, half-Mrowan x-Borg drone, 4 of 5 stepped onto the bridge. However it was silence compared to the volume when I stepped on to the bridge with the 2.44 meter (8 ft) tall Huhuff-Riit, dressed in the ornate uniform of a Kzinti War Admiral, complete with an imposing long and sharp Wtsai tucked into the uniform’s sash. “Statusss?”, I request. “All stations report ready!”, my Operations Officer reports. “Good, then break orbit and get underrrway, standard patrol course.”, I order. “Course plotted and laid in.”, helm reports. “Good, do it!”, I order her. I glance at Huhuff-Riit and see he is watching intently as I let this female human take the ship out of orbit. I have to commend the Bastet’s Bridge Crew, Huhuff-Riit, like all felines is extremely curious. As the crew goes about his business, he is peering over their shoulders and occasionally he will point a long, sharp claw at something and ask a question. To their credit, everyone he questions, answers concisely and with respect, which seems to impress him. Especially when his question is answered by one of the female crew members. “What is THIS?”, he asks, standing, facing the doors to the bridge. Looking I see what has captured his attention and, answer, “That Bastet’sss Dedication Plaque.” “I am aware of that D’Sefet-Commander, Kzinti vessels are similarly adorned. What I was questioning is these pictures below the name.”, he says. Joining him, I explain, “That ship’sss motto, “No One isss Born Wise” from The Instruction of Ptahhotep written in the 6th Dynasty (Earth, 2300 to 2150 B.C.E.). Picture writing called hieroglyphicsss and wasss used by humansss that called themselvesss Egyptiansss.  They worrrshiped feline headed goddesss this vesssel named afterrr, Bastet.” “HUMANS prayed to a CAT FACED GOD!”, Huhuff-Riit roars, his ears and body language showing a mixture of conflicting emotions.  For a moment I am puzzled by his reaction to these facts until I remember Kzinti religious history. Like most creatures, the Kzinti pictured their ‘creator’ in their own image. After all the wars they lost with the humans, some of them lost faith in their ‘feline’ faced ‘Great Fanged One’ and began believing that the reason for the losses was that he really had a ‘human’ face. Some Kzinti even went as far as to pray to him wearing the masks made from the skin of humans in hopes of fooling him long enough to grant their wishes. Now I have just told a Kzinti that humans had prayed to a ‘feline’ faced ‘Great Fanged One’ of their own. Just how this information would effect Kzinti theologians, if it got back to them, is unknown. Not wanting to go into it further, I suggest, “It will be while before we enterrr primary patrol area, my lorrrd Huhuff-Riit. Would you like tourrr of vesssel? 4. . . Would you accompany usss?” As 4 and I lead Huhuff-Riit from the bridge, still muttering, I hope nothing else happens.

We reach the beginning of our patrol area and begin sensor sweeps. Although the crew is very busy, to those of us looking on it seems EXTREMELY boring! Huhuff-Riit however, seems keenly interested in everything taking place. We quickly surveyed the Star System and planet that will hold the repair facility to make sure there were no problems. . . None appeared.
It seems as if I will get my request, we have reached the limit of our patrol area and, I am about to order us to turn for home when. . . “Commander! Long range sensors are picking up a vessel stopped in space.”, my Operations Officer reports. My mind considers the possible reasons. Unfortunately there are MANY! About the only thing I can know is that the ship is not a known Starfleet vessel. With a VIP on board, I decide to play it safe, “Raise shieldsss! Hail vessel!” “Hailing on all frequencies Commander. . . No response.”, my Tactical Officer informs. After a few seconds, as the image of the vessel grows on our screen, he adds, “They are arming weapons!” A second later the Bastet is rocked by a Phaser blast. “Lock Phasersss! Return fire!”, I order reluctantly. “D’Sefet-Commander, the vessel is a Kzinti Border Patroller. If I may?”, Huhuff-Riit informs indicating he would like to be in contact with the vessel. “Of course my lorrrd, on screen.”, I order. On our screen there appears the image of a young looking Sub-Commander-Flyer (the Kzinti Lieutenant Commander in charge of the vessel). I watch as his demeanor changes from confidence to fear as he recognizes the image now filling his view screen, an angry Huhuff-Riit. What follows is the most brutal dressing down I have ever heard. While the Universal Translator allows all to hear what is said in Federation Standard, I can hear Huhuff-Riit using many Kzinti obscenities such as, Kz'eerekti (Looks and acts very much like a monkey/human) and kshat (A herbivore capable of digesting offal: An insulting term for one behaving as a kshat.) When he is through, he turns to me and calmly says, “D’Sefet-Commander you NOW may destroy the vessel.” I see my Federation crew is at the least shocked by Huhuff-Riit’s offer and interested in what I am going to do. “Thank you my lorrrd but, I do not think that will be needed at this time. I would howeverrr like to know why they are in Federation space.”, I reply to the visible relief of a number of my Bridge Crew. Although surprised that I did not take him up on his offer, he growls to the Kzinti Captain, “Hear that grass eater! It appears someone thinks your worm eaten fur is worth saving! ANSWER!” A greatly cowed Kzinti explains that it appears that due to a malfunction in their navigation system and the recent change in boundaries they found themselves lost and had been in the process of establishing their location when we approached. “TRUE?”, Huhuff-Riit roars. “I SWEAR, my LORD!”, the Kzinti Sub-Commander answers, cringing. “It is fortunate the human’s cat-faced god is NOT thirsty for Kzinti blood this day! You and your crew should count yourselves lucky! NOW you may leave this area.” We stand by as the Kzinti vessel finishes it’s preparation and departs. Then, FINALLY, we also head home.
Over the next few days things go smoothly. After attending one more reception, the crews of the Enterprise and the Titan prepare to depart for their normal patrol duties.  AND. . . FINALLY, the day has arrived! In a few short minutes, Huhuff-Riit and his party will depart FI-9 for home. Security-Chief and I are escorting his pride and he to the Station’s Main Transporter Room where my senior staff waits to see them off quietly. The doors slide open, we step in and my staff comes to attention. “I
have enjoyed my visit IMMENSELY D’Sefet-Commander”, Huhuff-Riit declares as he steps on to the Transporter Pad, helped by his guards, “AND I would like very much to reward you. Security-Chief told me that you have no mate so, pick one from my harem!” I begin to refuse, then I realize this is just the chance needed to help the intelligent, little Kzinrret.   “I am honored sirrr.”, I begin. Looking at Jacobs’ face I can see she has the same idea as I and is hoping I am going to take advantage of the offer. “Come, look them over well!”, Huhuff-Riit invites with a flourish. This in itself is a honor, normally NO one, especially a male, is allowed to approach a Kzinti’s harem. As I near the group, some of the females appear somewhat nervous and, their escorts bristle. After taking what I think is an appropriate amount of time to choose I point to the one seen in the security recording. “You want her?!?”, Huhuff-Riit loudly questions. “Yesss, is there problem?”, I ask with some anxiety. “No. . . But, she is SO small and, sometimes makes trouble among the other females. I would not even have her except that her father could not pay a debt he owed me.”, he explains, continuing, “I have not tried her but, I would think she is little challenge when mating and, if her kits are as scrawny as she. . . would you not like a female that will give you big, strong kits?” As he finishes his arm encircles a VERY large, almost frightenly proportioned Kzinrret. Thinking fast I reply, “She remindsss me of my first love.” Huhuff-Riit nods understandingly and orders, “SARRA! YEBP! (come)”.  She carefully obeys, as she does, he pushes her in my direction and commands, “MEEZS! (Stay)”, adding to me, “I will have her things sent over.” Sarra, looking more that a little frightened steps down from the Transporter Pad and, resisting the urge to comfort her, I order, “Jacobsss, take charge of Sarra forrr moment?” I see the fright fade from Sarra’s delicate face a little as Jacobs gently takes her by the arm and leads her to the back of the assembled crew members. As Huhuff begins to dematerlize he says to Security-Chief, “You are bring much glory to the Patriarch. That WILL NOT be forgotten!” Security-Chief bows low and remains that way until Huhuff-Riit has completely disappeared.
As the group begins to leave the Transporter Room and get back to their duties, I have already decided on what the next step must be concerning Sarra. Before I can determine what we can do for her I will need to know just how sentient she is. Seeing that Selar is about to leave I say, “Doctorrr! Would you join Jacobsss, Sssarra and I forrr moment?” As she approaches us I begin,”I would like you to check Sssarra over Doctorrr.” “Commander, I am a medical doctor NOT a veterinarian!”, she protests with a odd lift of one of her eyebrows that gives me to wonder if she has picked up on Sarra’s cognizance. “Unfortunately Doctorrr, at moment you are “Only Game In Thisss Stormy Port” as humansss say.”, I reply. “I have not had the opportunity to acquaint myself with the female Kzinti physiology.”, she states.  “Well, I imagine difference between male and female Kzzinti is about same as it is between male and female Vulcan. Keep that in mind as you examine herrr.”, I advise adding, “As soon as her belongingsss arrrive I will join you in yourrr office.” “MOST illogical!”, I hear her quietly say. As she and Jacobs begin leading Sarra out of the Transporter Room, Sarra panics, runs to me, wraps her arms tightly around me and buries her face in my chest.  “Aaduss’ (accompany) Selarrr yahughnost'sss (and) Jacobsss Sarra. Iksoj (all's well).”, I comfort, stroking the fur on the back of her head and, doing my best to speak in Kzinti. She returns to Jacobs’ side and they again begin to leave. A few moments later, Sarra’s belongings arrive in a small, open box from the Kzinti vessel, just before it departs for home. If you think about it, are there really ANY non-sentient members of the animal realm? One of the tests for sentience is a sense of ‘self’ or ‘I’. Another is doing activities NOT just because evolution decreed that you do them but, because YOU want to. Both traits I have observed in the creatures humans call ‘pets’. Sarra’s things reveal that sense in subtle ways. First there is a old, tattered, piece of heavy grey colored cloth. To a healthy creature covered from head to foot with thick warm fur, useless. However to a newborn kit, warmth and security when mother is away feeding. Why would a creature that responds only to instinct keep such an item?  Then there is the reproduced image of another kzinrret, possibly her mother? What would an odorless, two dimensional thing like this mean to a ‘dumb’ animal? From observations, it seems the main question in sentience is at what age level is the creature thinking at. For example, it seem that the feline creatures humans call ‘House Cats’ operate at about a three year-old mental level. I hope Sarra’s level is closer to adult, for all our sakes.

“Huhuf-Riit just sent overrr Sarra’s thingsss.”, I say as I enter Sick Bay. As I put the box on a table, Sarra comes over and begins to inspect the contents. Not expecting an answer, I ask,”Is all there Sarra?”  “Yes my lord D’Sefet-Commander, thank you.”, she answers to my surprise. “I plugged her in to the Universal Translator.”, Jacobs informs indicating the Combadge stuck to Sarra’s chest fur. With the problem of Sarra’s IQ now solved, I look forward to an easy time of getting Sarra settled in BUT. . . Seeing a worried look appear on Jacobs’ face, I turn to look at what she is seeing. What she sees is Security-Chief standing in the doorway.  Moving to put myself between Sarra and Security-Chief, I begin, “Uh. . .” Sensing the tension, Sarra speaks up, “All is well my lord D’Sefet-Commander. Is it not, Little Kzintosh?" Expecting Security-Chief to ‘Scream and Leap’ any moment, I am stunned when he answers her, "Yes Sarra." in an uncharacteristically servile way.  Seeing my confused look, he explains, "Sarra is my older, what do humans call them. . . cistern? No, sister!" "I
helped mother care for him. I even cleaned his little tail when his first solid food sickened him.", Sarra informs with an air of superiority. Then possibly sensing she has gone a bit far, she crosses over to Security-Chief and rubs her cheek across his chest in a gesture of submission and love. "D’Sefet-Commander, may I speak with you in private?", Security-Chief requests. "Certainly.", I say as I step to the door. Sarra returns to inspecting her things with dumbfounded Selar and Jacobs looking on as Security-Chief and I exit the room.  As the door closes, it strikes me, "YOU arraigned all thisss correct! How long have you known about herr?" "Not exactly D’Sefet-Commander, I was unsure Sarra was Huhuff-Riit’s female until I saw her  come aboard.", he explains, continuing, "I was always aware my mother and sister were different but, it was not until I matured and was out on my own that I realized HOW different.” “Your motherrr wasss sentient to?”, I ask. “I do not believe my mother was as intelligent as Sara but, she was vastly smarter than other kzinrrets that I have known.” “What is your society’sss reaction to onesss like Sarra?”, I ask, somewhat confused. “In general, if one like Sarra is found, she is destroyed on the spot however, I have heard there are some Kzintosh that would pay almost any price for one like her.”, Security-Chief answers, more confusing than ever. Seeing my growing bewilderment, Security-Chief tries to explain. It appears that even as far back as the time the Kzinti began their genetic modifications, there were some that questioned the plan to modify the Kzinrrets. There are even stories that Kzinti males could have even gone as far as to keep some  Kzinrrets intelligent. Sarra and her mother could be descendants of these ‘saved’ ones. Although this is different that the explanation I came up with, it is just as plausible. The Kzinti were for the most part happy with what they had done until they encountered other races where, intelligent females worked and fought along side their males. Security-Chief tells me of how amazed and envious Huhuff-Riit was when I ordered a female crew member to do something and she did it without having to be shown how. Also, Security-Chief comments that although Huhuff-Riit, being VERY wealthy can afford MANY Kzinrret and so need not spend much time with any one, most of the higher Kzinti can afford only a few or one. He says he can not remember just how many times he had heard mated Kzintosh complain on how they wish they could have more that just a sexual relationship with their mates. “And that brings me to you and Sarra. What are your plans for her”, he inquires sounding like a brother. Before I answer, I think back to my time on the Bozeman and an Andorian friend. Just before our ill fated voyage he had married a young, beautiful, if you like furless, blue skin and antenna, female.  At our next port of call he was going to leave the Bozeman and begin an assignment on a Starbase where he and his love could settle down and begin a family. After we were rescued by the Enterprise and found out ninety years had passed, he became depressed thinking about what his mate must have gone through and crazy wondering what had happened to her. As Admiral Kirk is often quoted, “People like us do not have families”.  Although Sarra is very beautiful and I am tempted, I answer Security-Chief in the only way possible, “Sarra in Federation territory now. She hasss all rightsss of you or I. With Jacobsss’, Selarsss’, your’sss and my help, only PLANSss that matter will be Sarra’s.“ ”She is as ignorant as a newborn kit about things outside the pride.”, Security-Chief warns. “I will make sure she isss instructed on all thingsss as best I can. Come let usss begin herrr education.”, I promise as I motion him to join me back in Sickbay.
 

Although the Star Trek club the Shadow Hawk had been dissolved before I began writing FI-9, I was still close to the Captain and I tried to get her involved with D’Sefet’d Cat House. Without success I might add. The following was an addition to the story of Hello Kitty that I hoped would inspire her to join in.

Possible Shadow Hawk tie in:

“Gerve to D’Sefet!”, a gruff Tellarite voice interrupts Security-Chief, Huhuff-Riit and, I as we are talking about their Holodeck “hunt”. “Excuse me, that is my First Officer, on board the Bastet.”, I say, continuing, “D’Sefet here, go ahead Gerve.” “We just received a urgent message from a Federation outpost. They were picking up a large concentration of vessels headed in this direction!”, Gerve reports. “Who’s vessels and from direction?”, I question thinking again about the Dilithium Crystals and the Kzinti. “The message didn’t say but, the installation is a Listening Post along the Romulan border.”, he replies. “Have you contacted Starfleet?”, I ask.  “I’ve tried, no one seems to know WHAT’S going on!”, Gerve answers adding, “It looks like it’s our PROBLEM!” With a high ranking VIP visiting the station and with what lay buried on the planets below, I order, “We had better have a look Gerve, get the Bastet ready for a little trip. I want to leave ASAP.”  "I would like to accompany you, D’Sefet-Commander.”, Huhuff-Riit says. Before I can open my mouth I notice
an almost human look of pleading on Security-Chief’s face. “I suppose that if I deny your request, you will just use your own ship.”, I surmise. “I am a HERO! If there is a threat to Patriarch, I am honor bound to respond!”, Huhuff-Riit responds, puffing himself up. His vessel would be little threat to any type of warship but, with the Kzinti’s “Scream and Leap” mind set, he could cause trouble where none existed so. . . “It would be an honor to have you as an observer on this mission!”, I answer as Security-Chief signals his pleasure by a twitch of his ears. “I to would like to go with you on this hunt!”, Security-Chief announces. One Kzinti on a small ship like the Bastet is a problem, two would be IMPOSSIBLE! So I answer, “I need you to guard the station and protect the personnel on it, including Huhuff-Riit’s kzinrrets. I will take 4 of 5 with me.” Although visibly disappointed, he knows I am right and accepts my decision with a nod.
Jacobs intercepts me as I am on my way to get Huhuff-Riit and transport to the Bastet. “I hear we are going on a little trip eh?”, she begins. “Not WE.”, I correct. “But, I’m Chief Engineer on the Bastet!”, she protests. “I know but, I need you here to watch out for our special one and if something happens, to help her if possible.”, I remind. “Right! But you take good care of MY ship eh.”, she answers as she stops and heads back to her duties.
Two extra large Kzinti guards stiffen as I approach Huhuff-Riit’s quarters. “I am here for Huhuff-Riit, he is expecting me”, I announce. Raking the claws in front of their own faces as a salute, one disappears through the door. Returning, he says, "His glory will receive you, please enter."
I thought the sound of jaws of the Bastet’s Bridge Crew dropping was extremely loud when the half-Terran, half-Mrowan x-Borg drone, 4 of 5 stepped onto the bridge. However it was silence compared to the volume when I stepped on to the bridge with the 2.44 meter (8 ft) tall Huhuff-Riit, dressed in the ornate uniform of a Kzinti War Admiral, complete with an imposing long and sharp Wtsai tucked into the uniform’s sash.  “Status?”, I request. “All stations report ready!”, Gerve reports. “Good, then break orbit and set course for -----.”, I order. “Course plotted and laid in.”, helm reports. “Good, do it!”, I order her. I glance at Huhuff-Riit and see he is watching intently as I let this female human take the ship out of orbit. I have to commend the Bastet’s Bridge Crew, Huhuff-Riit, like all felines is extremely curious. As the crew goes about his business, he is peering over their shoulders and occasionally he will point a long, sharp claw at something and ask a question.  To their credit, everyone he questions, answers concisely and with respect, which seems to impress him.
Especially when his question is answered by one of the female crew members. “What is THIS?”, he asks, standing, facing the doors to the bridge. Looking I see what has captured his attention and, answer, “That is the Bastet’s Dedication Plaque.” “I am aware of that D’Sefet-Commander, Kzinti vessels are similarly adorned.  What I was questioning is these pictures below the name.”, he says. Joining him, I explain, “That is the ship’s motto, “No One is Born Wise” from The Instruction of Ptahhotep written in the 6th Dynasty (Earth, 2300 to 2150 B.C.E.). The picture writing is called hieroglyphics and was used by the humans that called themselves Egyptians. They worshiped the feline headed goddess this vessel is named after, Bastet.” “HUMANS prayed to a CAT FACED GOD!”, Huhuff-Riit roars, his ears and body language showing a mixture of conflicting emotions. For a moment I am puzzled by his reaction to these facts until I remember Kzinti religious history.
Like most creatures, the Kzinti pictured their ‘creator’ in their own image. After all the wars they lost with the humans, some of them lost faith in their “feline” faced ‘Great Fanged One’ and began believing that the reason for the losses was that he really had a ‘human’ face. Some Kzinti even went as far as to pray to him wearing the masks made from the skin of humans in hopes of fooling him long enough to grant their wishes. Now I have just told a Kzinti that humans had prayed to a ‘feline’ faced ‘Great Fanged One’ of their own. Just how this information would effect Kzinti theologians, if it got back to them, is unknown. Not wanting to go into it further, I suggest, “It will be a while before we intercept the vessels, Huhuff-Riit. Would you like to refresh yourself? 4. . . show the advisor to my quarters.” As 4 leads Huhuff-Riit from the bridge, still muttering, I get on with the mission.
It takes us a few hours to reach the place I have chosen to intercept the unidentified vessels, the planetary system of a spinning Neutron Star. It is my belief that if we perform the ‘Riker Maneuver’, in other words hang motionless over the pole of the only surviving planet in the system, a gas giant half again as large as Sol’s Jupiter, that it’s gravitation and magnetic field coupled with the energy and light that sweeps across the system from the spinning star should render us all but invisible to the approaching ship’s sensors.  We have just finished taking up our position as 4 escorts Huhuff-Riit back on to the Bridge. Huhuff-Riit shows a surprising grasp of the tactical as he takes in everything and comments, “

Star Trek: Federation Installation Nine, Episode 4 Hello Kitty (Part One)

HELLO KITTY
(Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner!)

“D’Sefet-Commander! D’Sefet-Commander!”, Security-Chief roars as he sprints across the Bazar toward me.  The sight of an extremely large, tiger striped felinoid racing toward one evokes little concern in me but, it proves too much for the junior, human officer that I had been talking with. He excuses himself and streaks to the nearest exit. Almost knocking over more than one other person that are in his way. “Easy Securrrity-Chief!”, I say as he comes to a claw dragging halt in front of me, “Yooou are panicking humansss!”  “Sorry D’Sefet-Commander but, I have just received the most wonderful news!” Wondering what, other than a Kzinrret in heat, could excite a Kzinti to this level I hesitantly ask, “What news Securrrity-Chief?” “I. . . I mean WE are to be honored by a visit by Huhuff-Riit!”, he replies excitedly. The particulars of Kzinti society are not spoken about with non-Kzinti but, I gather by the fact that our visitor has a name and that no part of it
describes his work, that we are about to be visited by a VIP. “What Huhuff-Rrriit’s function?”, I inquire, trying to get an idea of what kind of problems he might bring. Looking a bit shocked, Security-Chief answers, “Huhuff-Riit is a Prime Advisor to the Patriarch himself!” Wondering why such a high ranking Kzinti would visit such an out of the way place such as this, I ask, “Do you know purrrpose of visit?” With typical Kzinti ego, he replies, “It is obvious, the roaring reports of my work here has impressed even the Patriarch himself! He is sending Huhuff-Riit here to see what a good job I am doing and, how much honor I am bringing to the Kzinti in the eyes of the Federation!” I doubt that is the reason but, it is best NOT to disparage a Kzinti when he is petting himself on his back! Before I can answer, he continues, imploring, “Please give your permission for his visit D’Sefet-Commander!” Remembering he has not yet had time to get use to the ways of
the Federation I instruct, “He does not need my permisssion. As long as rrrace is not in conflict with Federrration, they are welcome whenever they wish to visit. I trrrust yooou and 4 can handle arrraignments for him and hisss party?” “Of course D’Sefet-Commander!”, he answers with pride, adding, “I will pounce right on it!” “Good!”, I conclude but, as he turns to leave I quickly add, “Rrrun detailsss of arrrraignments by me before finalizing them!” “Of course!”, he promises as he hurries off. This sudden visit coupled with the subject of the Starfleet Communique I was discussing with junior, human officer before Security-Chief arrived concerns me so I think I will return to my office and recontact Starfleet Command.
“No Sef, no one thought there might be a need to keep the results of the survey confidential.”, Admiral Sutter says, “Do you think the discovery and the Kzinti’s visit are related?” “I am not surrre but, timing seems bit sussspect.”, I answer. “I know you are just getting settled in and all but, how you want to play it is your call, I’ll back whatever decision you make.”, he comforts. I have already carefully considered all my options as any self-respecting feline would do so I inform, “As long as entire Kzinti fleet does not follow Huhufff-Rrriit across frontierrr, I think Bassstet and I can handle thingsss but, it might be good idea to have few Ssstarfleet vesselsss near by. . . just in case.” “I’ll see what I can arrange, maybe some sort of an ‘Honor Guard’ of ships to commemorate the historic visit.”, Admiral Sutter suggests. “I will check with Securrrity-Chief to see if such a ‘Guarrrd’ would be seen as honor orrr threat and, get back to you. Thank you, Sef out.”, I say. “Very well Sef, Sutter out.”, he responds. As Admiral Sutter’s image fades it is replaced by the data on the discovery that has just been made here.
When the border was redrawn, both sides got something. The Kzinti gained two star systems, one with a Class G, Sol type star and two inhabitable planets. One a Class K, Mars type and one a class L, teraform candidate like Indri VIII. The Federation gained the system FI-9 is in. It consists of a aging Class M, red giant star and four planets, two with solid surfaces. Both planets are now Class L, however there is evidence to suggest the one closest to the star might have once been Class M when the star was younger. Being in the demilitarized zone between the Patriarchy and the Federation, all three systems are largely unexplored. As per Federation procedure, one of the first items to be done after we took possession of the station was to do a detailed survey of the star system and it’s planets. It was on that survey that the ‘discovery’ was made. DILITHIUM CRYSTALS! Both planets are rich in them! In addition, the crystals are VERY high quality! All this has Federation Planners VERY excited and, while there will not be an Earth type “gold rush” to FI-9, MANY Federation and allied mining companies are already vying for the rights to mine. Of course, FI-9 will be the main facility and staging area for whatever activity that takes place. All in all it seems that life on this peaceful little station is going to get a LOT more chaotic!
“Kzinti guard their own honor!”, Security-Chief loudly and proudly declares as I tell him about the Honor Guard idea. “The Federrration and I underrrstand that Securrrity-Chief!”, I say as I try and calm him. “Then why does Huhuff-Riit need a honor guard?”, he asks, somewhat puzzled. “The terrrm ‘Honorrr Guarrrd’ is deceiving. One way humansss show how important they consider person is to make fusss overrr them. If therrre had been some warning, I am sure leaders of Federrration would have traveled herrre to personally grrreet Huhufff-Rrriit but without time for that, they considerrr captains of Federrration’s finest vesselsss to be next best thing.  But, if you do not think he would considerrr such dissplay an honnorrr, I will drrrop idea.”, I explain without revealing the Dilithium Crystal item. “NO. . . I mean, I am sure Huhuff-Riit would see such a display as honoring his visit, after I explain it to him.”, Security-Chief quickly answers like a approval seeking,
minor official, afraid that if he turned down such an offer and his superior found out, that he would have wanted it. “Good, then I will make arraignmentsss.”, I say.
The next week and a half is hectic! Everyone does their best to get the station as ready as possible for the arrival of our Kzinti VIP as well as the expected influx of people that will be arriving for the mining and support operations. The day before Huhuff-Riit is due, the Honor Guard made up of the U.S.S. Enterprise under the command of Captain Picard and the U.S.S. Titan under the command of Captain Riker arrives. Because I AM considered the expert on all things felinoid, Captain Picard has asked me to brief his and Captain Riker’s senior staff of Kzinti Protocol, what there is of it anyway. I am afraid it is going to be like briefing Vegetarians before they attend a feast prepared by Cannibals!
I doubt any of either ship’s senior staff has ever met a Kzinti face to face so I have decided to invite the humans to the station for the briefing and set up the larger Holodeck to serve as a briefing room. I enter the Holodeck and signal the Enterprise and the Titan that I am ready for them to beam over. After the group including Captains Picard and Riker, Captain Riker’s mate Counselor Troy and the Klingon Worf arrive I greet them and ask them to sit. “I am surrre that you have been busily studying whateverrr information Federrration has on Kzinti so I will not borrre you by back trrracking on that trail.”, I begin, “Instead I will try and answerrr whateverrr questions your hunts have left unanswered.” After a few questions attempting to confirm some of the facts that humans have a hard time believing about the Kzinti, Doctor Crusher asks, “Are Kzinti females really as non-sentient as the males believe?” “While I have yet to meet Kzinti femmmale, the malesss believe so.”, I answer, “Why do you ask?” “After the dealing I have had with Data’s cat Spot, I have a difficult time believing ANY feline is NON-sentient.”, she comments. As the group’s laughter dies away, I answer, “Take care, YOU have uncoverrred felinoid species’ most closely guarrrded secrrrret.”, I attempt to joke, apparently with little success. “Are the males as formidable as the stories tell?”, the Klingon asks with the curiosity of a warrior. “I will let you be judge of that.”, I say as I step to the entrance and, activate it. The door slides open and, Security-Chief steps in to the sound of a collective gasp. “I would like you to meet station’sss head of securrrity.  Securrrity-Chief, these are Captainsss and seniorrr oficersss from Federrration vesselsss.”, I introduce. “It is a great honor for me to be in the presence of some of the Federation’s and Klingon Empire’s greatest warriors.”, he says with a bow. After a few moments of stunned silence, Captain Picard, probably remembering what he had read on Kzinti custom answers, “We are honored to be allowed to stand in the presence of such a mighty Hero of the Patriarch.” With the formalities behind us, I announce, “Security-Chief has graciously consented to answer any of your questions that I can not.” After a few more questions, I think the fear of possibly asking a foolish question helped shorten the session, I invite the group on a tour of the station.  All in all, I am pleased to put into my report that the meeting and tour went smoothly. Even the tension between Security-Chief and the Klingon Worf softened after a bit of growling on both individual’s part. Now IF the rest of this visit goes as smoothly, I will be relieved.
“Commander! I’m picking up a vessel leaving Kzinti space on the Long Range Sensors.”, I am informed by a crew member, “It reads BIG, possibly a battleship!” “Just one?”, I ask with hope. “So far sir.”, he informs.  “This is the Enterprise calling FI-9.”, Captain Picard’s voice says. “Go ahead Enterrrprise.”, I order. “We have just picked up a vessel on course from the Kzinti Patriarch to FI-9. Is this your visitor Commander?", he asks. "I hope so Captain.", I answer, "Stand by!" "Try and contact that ship and ask Securrrity-Chief to join me in Control Rrroom", I order. After a few minutes that seem an eternity, a Kzinti face appears on our screen and announces, "This is the Patriarch’s warship Killing Claw. We are on a diplomatic mission to Federation Installation Nine.” “Grrreetings Killing Claw, this Comanderrr D’Sssefet of FI-9, we await your arrival.”, I respond. Adding to the Enterprise, “It looksss like, as you humans say, SHOW TIME!” “Understood Commander, we will transport over immediately. Picard out.”, the senior Honor Guard informs. As Security-Chief arrives, I brief him on the situation.
All concerned assemble in the common area of the Station’s Bazar as the Kzinti vessel slips into orbit around the station. As the signal that Huhuff-Riit’s group is ready to come aboard is received, I take one last look around and hope for the best. Huhuff-Riit materlizes, surrounded by six heavily armed Kzinti warriors. Seeing the unexpectedly large group assembled to meet them, the guards instinctively begin to react in a defensive manner. With a nod from me, Security-Chief identifies himself to the group in the Hero’s Tongue and asks permission to approach. What I take to be the lead guard grants his request and Security-Chief approaches the group, on all paws, crouched lower to the ground than I ever thought a nine foot tall Kzinti could get. His tail is dragging the floor behind him and he is averting his gaze so much that I wonder how he keeps moving in a strait line. Reaching the group, he is ordered to stand up by the guard and after he is satisfied Security-Chief poses no threat, he is allowed to speak to Huhuff-Riit. Although I am a distance away and the two Kzinti are speaking
softly, I can make out that Security-Chief is trying to explain our intentions to Huhuff-Riit. “Who is D’Sefet-Commander?”, Huhuff-Riit suddenly calls out in Federation Standard. “I am my lorrrd!”, I answer.  “Please join us.”, Huhuff-Riit commands with a wave of his paw. Although I assume I need not imitate Security-Chief’s performance, I do move slowly, with my paws in plain view as I approach the Kzinti group.  “Security-Chief has explained that this group of humans and their space vessels are here to honor me.”, Huhuff-Riit begins, “Although it is not the Kzinti way, you may proceed. I will order my guards to submit.” “Thank you my lorrrd.”, I answer, “If you will follow me I will presssent Captainsss and seniorrr crrrew memberrrs of vesselsss to you. Hoping training will overcome the sight of eight large Kzinti males coming at you, I conduct the group to where the ‘humans’ stand, “My lorrrd Huhuff-Rrriit may I introduce Captain Jean Luc Picarrrd of U.S.S. Enterprissse.” For a moment, Captain Picard hesitates, I hope he does NOT do the human grabbing of paws thing. To my relief, he performs the human equivalent of the Kzinti Submission Act by lowering his gaze and bowing from the waist. “Jean Luc Picard-Captain. . .”, Huhuff-Riit begins as if remembering, “Brother of the Klingons and Defeater of the Borg.” Reacting to the captain’s apparent surprise, “Yes Jean Luc Picard-Captain, tales of your glory have even reached Kzinti ears.” After Captain Picard thanks him for the complement, he introduces his crew. I then take Huhuff-Riit to Captain Riker, “And this is Captain William Rrriker of U.S.S. Titan. Until recently he was Captain Picard’sss Firssst Officerrr.” Captain Riker follows Captain Picard in his greeting. Then Huhuff-Riit says, “As I have told many a kit, serve your superiors well and you will share in their glory. I imagine your family was very proud of you at your Naming Ceremony William Riker-Captain.” Although he does not understand Huhuff-Riit’s reference to the Kzinti Naming Ceremony, he acknowledge the comment with a thankfully tooth hidden smile. I guess he remembers that to show your teeth to a Kzinti is an invitation to fight. After Captain Riker introduces his crew and I introduce mine, I say, “We have planed otherrr activitiesss to honorrr your visit, toursss of Station, any or all of Federrration vesselsss and dinnerrr or rrrreception have been discusssed. I will leave it up to Securrrity-Chief to explain anything you do not underrrstand and inform me of your wishesss my lorrrd.” “Thank you D’Sefet-Commander.”, Huhuff-Riit replies. “Now I imagine you would like to get sssettled into quartersss Securrrity-Chief have prepared for you so, with yourrr perrrmission, I will let him esscort you to them.”, I say with a slight bow. With a nod, Huhuff-Riit allows Security-Chief to lead his group away and the reception ends without problems. As the humans go about their business, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. As I turn, I see 4 of 5 slowly emerge from the shadows, Phaser in paw. Yes I placed him there. Now I know that if 4 had been forced to stun any or all of our Kzinti visitors, there might have been a major diplomatic incident however, a war might have started if I had allowed our visitors to kill any of the unarmed humans over some little mistake in word or action. Holstering the weapon and with a un-feline wink of an eye, he returns to his normal duties.
“DID you know that Riit Kzinti brought his harem with him?!?”, Jacobs asks as she pokes her head into my office as she is going off duty the next afternoon. Knowing that Huhuff-Riit’s Kzinrrets were brought aboard with no station personnel contact except that of Security-Chief, I ask, “How do you know about themmm?” “I was called to their quarters by their guards, they were complaining the rooms were to cold.”, she explains. “YOU werrre called?”, knowing the Kzinti’s opinion on females I continue, “Wherrre was Jotoki and it’s Kzinti handlerrr, Superrrvisorrr of Slavesss?” “He was busy and the guards said the Kzinrret wouldn’t wait. Besides, I know this station as well as that Jotoki does!”, Jacobs answers defensively.  “I know, I know.”, I answer. “I thought Kzinti females were non-sentient.”, she says, changing the subject.  “They are as farrr as I know.”, I say. “WELL, ONE ISN’T! See what one left in my tool box!”, she says, producing a piece of paper with groups of slashes marks on it. I recognize the marks as characters of the Kzinti’s alphabet and they spell the Kzinti words “I am”. I start to question whether one of the male guards had written it but, the characters look as if they have been written by a decidedly delicate hand. Realizing what this could mean and the risk the Kzinrret took in making such a document, I ask, “Does ANYONE else know about thisss?” “No, I found it after I had finished and left the quarters.”, Jacobs answers. “Good! Let usss keep it that way!”, I instruct. She begins to question me and then stops, realizing the dangers I have already thought of. “Are securrrity monitorsss worrrking in that area?”, I ask, thinking I can use their recordings to find which Kzinrret left the message. “Yes, the station is fully covered. Security-Chief insisted on that!”, she says and then her look says what I am thinking, Security-Chief! HE ALWAYS carefully reviews each recording! “We will have to work fast!”, I instruct. “Right! You make sure Security-Chief has not and does not see that recording and I will see that a glitch in the computer corrupts the files for that area for a while.”, Jacobs says as she starts out the door. “No! Wait! Failurrre in one area might get him curriousss, arrange station wide glitch and SLOWLY bring sectionsss back on line, Kzinrret Quarterrrs last. Make surrre to save an encrypted copy of file for me on removable media.”, I say as we both head out the door.
“Can I help you, D’Sefet-Commander?”, Security-Chief asks as he finds me in his office, at his Data Terminal.  “No. . . Yesss. . . “, I stammer, “I mean Jacobsss reportsss computer problem hasss corrrupted securrrity recordingsss forrr ssstation.” Joining me at the terminal, he confirms what I said, saying, “It looks like only the recent recordings were affected. How long does the female think it will be before the problem is corrected?” “She not surrre but, restorrring all monitorrring stationsss might take a while.”, I answer, adding, “Jacobsss knowsss what she doing.” “If you say so.”, he replies with a sigh, adding, “Can I ask a courtesy of you?” “Oh course Securrrity-Chief.”, I answer. “I told Huhuff-Riit about our hunt and, he expressed interest in seeing the Holodeck for himself. Could I be permitted to take him on a hunt?” I am not exactly thrilled with the prospect of another Kzinti hunt, remembering what happened on the last one and, wondering what the ramifications might be if such a high ranking Kzinti as Huhuff-Riit were to be hurt or killed on the station. However, Security-Chief, like all personnel of this station has the right to use the station’s public areas so, “Does it have to be hunt?” “Is there a problem D’Sefet-Commander?”, he asks.  “No, I just wasss concerrrned that Huhuff-Rrriit might be little old forrr hunt.”, I answer. “Kzinti believe   If one is to old to hunt, one is to old to live.“ Remembering that I heard my grandfather’s similar old Caitian saying “Life is a hunt and to hunt is life!” as we went out to capture his favorite wild vegetable, I say, “I think something could be arraigned but, I will not be able to accompany you. Presssing Federrration matterrrs. ” “That is unfortunate but, I will make your apologies to Huhuff-Riit.”, Security-Chief says.
The buzzer sounds as I am relaxing in my quarters. Answering it I find Jacobs with a copy of the security recording and a portable player. “Pleassse enterrr.”, I invite. Looking around, she comments, “This is nice, not at all what I expected.” “What DID you expect, scratching possst, pillow, multiple chewed plantsss and, litter box?”, I question referring to what humans think of as ‘cat’ furnishings. I sit down on the couch and motion her to do likewise. “This is ONLY the second time I’ve been in a felinoid’s quarters and considering what I saw in the Kzinrret quarters. . . Frankly, YES!”, she answers as she sits. “I thought you have studied Caitiansss and Kzinti?”, I ask, chidingly. “I HAVE but, like most creatures, felinoid literature says little about the every day stuff like what you sit on.”, she replies. “That true.”, I say, adding and, indicating the player, “Is Kzinrret that left messsage shown on recorrrding?” “I think so.”, she says, starting the player and holding it so we both can see, “The sensor’s field of view wasn’t the best.” As we watch, we see Jacobs enter to room and fortunately for us, because the environmental controls are located near the door, set her tool box down in full view of the scanner. As she get to work, a number of Kzinrrets saunter over and ‘inspect’ the box, a few rubbing against and, marking it. As the recording continues we see Jacobs finishing her work, pack up her tools and, even pick up her tool box and begin to leave. My hopes sink and I begin wondering if this WAS someone’s idea of a joke. Then something catches her eye, she sets the tool box back down and goes to investigate. It is then we see a unusually small Kzinrret cautiously approach the box.  For a moment I am not sure she is a full grown Kzinrret, she is SO small. But as she circles the box I can see she indications that she is mature. She rubs the box like the other Kzinrrets and then does something they did not. She casually looks around to see if she is being watched. When she is sure she is not, she reaches into her mouth and retrieves the paper Jacobs would later discover. She quickly opens the box, an action the other Kzinrret would be incapable of, slips the paper in, recloses the box and, hurries away before Jacobs returns.  “She HAD it IN her MOUTH!”, Jacobs exclaims as she turns off the player, “Ewwww, can I use your bathroom eh?!?” “JACOBSss!”, I say with exacerbation. “WELL. . . What are we going to do?”, she says sheepishly.  “Forrr now therrre nothing we can do.”, I begin. “BUT. . .”, she starts to protest. “But, WE can watch forrr opporrrtunity to help her WITHOUT risking her being discoverrred and killed!”, I inform. She nods, knowing I am right and I pledge, “If we can help her we will.” After extracting a promise on her oath as a Starfleet Officer that she will not do anything without checking with me first, Jacobs leaves and, I begin searching Federation data for any information that will help us help the little Kzinrret.
Things are thankfully quiet the next day as the Station prepares for the first ‘diplomatic’ function, a small dinner/Cocktail party for the senior staffs of the Station and visiting Starships. I hope the Kzinti are not too disappointed when they find out ‘Cocktail’ has NOTHING to do with the hind quarters of male flying creatures.  Actually I am more worried about the human’s reaction to what the Kzinti will be having for dinner, large slabs of blood rare, flesh from the Kzinti vessel’s stores! Although if they have eaten with the Klingon, my worries might be a bit premature.
The evening begins well, I am SO glad Starfleet abandon the long, dress-like, formal uniform. Although easier on the tail, it made the male humanoids look so, SO feminine! Unfortunately the new formal uniforms gives the wearer the look of a waiter. On the other paw, being covered with fur, the Kzinti usually wear nothing except a belt to put their wtsai, the Kzinti’s ceremonial dueling knife, in and, although dueling to the death is now discouraged, to hang the ears of their defeated opponents on. For important events, they will wear a colorful, knee length, loin cloth decorated with the totems of the wearers family. Though Important Kzinti probably wear nothing in private, in public they are expected to appear in the formal robes that indicate their place in Kzinti society. Huhuff-Riit’s robes, reflecting his position as Prime Advisor to the Patriarch, are made of a material that compares to fine silk but, I understand it comes from a different type of creature. They are in the royal colors of the Kzinti, black with red cuffs and collar. As with most ‘politicians’, his wtsai has to be larger than
the ordinary feline even if he seldom uses it.  I was concerned about the ‘drinks’, with Romulan Ale from the station, Klingon Blood Wine from the Enterprise, adding to the variety of choices of alcohol. Knowing that as with most all warm-blooded mammals, the Kzinti CAN get drunk on alcohol, the last thing I needed was a group of drunken, nine foot tall, felinoids running amuck so I asked Guinan, Picard’s bartender to keep an eye on how much real alcohol is served.  I hold my wind as the food is being served, in addition to being squeamish, it seems table manners are very
important to humans. From all the formal functions I have attended as a Starfleet Officer, I know they seem to have tools and implements for EVERY function of eating! Unfortunately, as anyone knows, the best way to eat blood raw meat is with the paws! The seating arraignments is also a concern. A human might expect that as soon as the meat is put before him, a Kzinti would begin. This is not the case, the Kzinti guards will not eat before Huhuff-Riit and, I think Huhuff-Riit is enough of a diplomat that he will wait for all to be served. All this results in the group of humans to be sitting across from and looking into the eyes of large felinoids as they gaze hungrily at their food. To the credit of the humans, none showed any sign of worry. Finally all are served and begin to eat.
The fare is an interesting mixture, each guest had the opportunity to request their favorite. Most of the humans opted for the usual favorites such as well cooked cow or bird. I chose my favored human food, Rainbow Trout, dipped in corn meat and fried to a golden brown. Pickard’s Klingon crewman Worf has chosen gagh as part of his meal and I notice Huhuff-Riit is eyeing the moving meal with growing interest. “KLINGON!”, Huhuff-Riit unexpectedly calls. As all conversation stops and all focus on the action, I look to see if Worf has or is doing something that would cause offence. “Might I inquire as to what you are eating?”, Huhuff-Riit continues in a tone that thankfully seems more curious than insulted. “This is gagh, a Klingon delicacy sir.”, Worf answers respectfully. “Might I trade you a portion of my zianyas for a taste of your gagh?", Huhuff-Riit asks. I am a bit surprised, descended from lone hunters, it is almost unheard of for a male to ask an unrelated male for a portion 
of his food. In some cases, even looking at another male’s food is an invitation for a fight. Worf considers the request for, what seems to me, a very long moment and then nods in agreement. I hope neither will have a dverse reaction to the alien food. The exchange is made and both cautiously examine their food. After sniffing and tasting, the meat is eaten. The Klingon’s reaction to the zianyas meat concerns me little, Klingons eat almost ANYTHING! However, I watch Huhuff-Riit intently for his reaction to the gagh. “Most interesting!”, Huhuff-Riit pronounces, “If the Kzinti ever decide to open trade with the Klingons I will recommend this item to be at the top of the list!”  As the dinner gets back to normal, Huhuff-Riit continues, “D’Sefet-Commander, I believe I have yet to meet one of your crew.” He indicates 4 of 5 with his paw. “Oh that is corrrect, my lorrrd, thisss 4 of 5, he Securrrity-Chief’sss asssistant.”, I explain, “He was on duty when you came aboarrrd.” “I recognize you as a felinoid 4 of 5-Assistant but, you are not Kzinti or Caitian. May I inquire as to your linage?”, Huhuff-Riit asks. “My father was Mrowan, my mother Terran but, I was assimilated by the Borg at one time.”, 4 of 5 informs. “You were once a ‘Stolen One’?”, Huhuff-Riit asks with amazement. ‘Stolen One’?”, 4 of 5 questions, not knowing how to answer. “That is what we call those that the Borg take.”, Huhuff-Riit explains.  “Yes, I was ‘stolen’.”, 4 of 5 answers somewhat bitterly. Kzinti have had little contact with those creatures or their prisoners.”, Huhuff-Riit comments and then asks, “D’Sefet-Commander do you think it possible for me to speak with 4 of 5-Assistant at a later time about his experiences?” “I have no objectionsss my lorrrd, if 4 of 5 wishesss to.”, I answer, giving him an out, not knowing if his time with the Borg would be to painful to speak of or not. “I’m at your service sir!”, 4 of 5 answers respectfully. “Excellent! I will contact Security-Chief tomorrow and make the arraignments.”, Huhuff-Riit happily replies.  The remainder of the evening goes well, no one drinks too much. There was one last incident that could have posed a problem but, did not. Worf, like most Klingons, always the warrior arranged to test himself against one of the Kzinti Guards. Fortunately for my Station, a contest called ‘Arm Wrestling’ was chosen, after it had been explained to the Kzinti. Each contestant won two falls but with my urging, both Captain Picard and Huhuff-Riit refused to allow a fifth ‘tie breaker’ fall. Allowing both sides to retire with pride intact. After the last of my guests leave, I have one last search around the Station and seeing that all is well, retire to my quarters for a good night’s sleep and, with Security-Chief having scheduled the Holodeck hunt for tomorrow afternoon, I might NEED it!

Things . . .

I have been converting ALL my FI-9 Episodes to an E-book Video form to post on You Tube BUT it IS a VERY time consuming process best done in the dead of winter.  Having been writing D'Sefet's Cat House for a LONG time I have 15 to 20 finished Episodes so instead of waiting to publish them here the same time I publish a E-book version, I'm going to put more of them here first.

A Few Star Trek Items I Have Made

Klingon Wall Plaque:

Mirror Universe Plaque:

Star Fleet Wall Plaque:

"Q" Banner:

This one is signed by actor John Delance.  He liked it so much that he ask me to make another one for him.  I sent it to his agent, I hope he received it.

Klingon Banner:

This one is signed by Michael (Worf) Dorn and his stunt double Dragon Dronet.

Romulan Club Plaque:

This was made for a Star Trek, Romulan Fan Club called the RSE.

Wooden Box with faux Marble top:

I made two of these to house and protect the Life Casts of William Shatner and Leonard Limoy faces.

Star Fleet Plaque:

Life size Shuttle Pod:

What EVERY Star Trek fan should have in his Car Port!

Star Trek: Legends, Fur-st Contact?

[Writer’s note: The idea for this story began LONG before ST:Enterprise was even thought of.  Its origins began EVEN before ST:DS9 when, inspired by the ‘NEW’ Star Trek series called the Next Generation, I began thinking outside the Star Trek Universe ‘box’.  After watching the first few episodes of ST:Enterprise, I decided to incorporate a few of its ideas into the story.  I think stories like this, show what the concept of ST:Enterprise promised.  Before being ruined by the ‘Berman Gang’ and other no talent hacks at Paramount that think, “If the ratings are down, don’t write better stories, start a war!”  I find it interesting such ‘Hollywood’ types protest the USA going to war to defend itself against the like of Sadem, Osama, or even Weird Haircut Kim but to get ‘easy’ ratings will resort to on screen death and destruction!  I wonder if they have ever heard, “LIFE IMITATES ART”?  Well, off the soap box, that’s for another BLOG!  Enjoy the story!]

Swapping ‘stories’ in space port hangouts is not an exclusively human ship captains and crew activity.  Some of the most interesting come from nonhumans.  I heard this one from a Starfleet officer a while back.

After the successful first voyage of the Enterprise, NX-01 and inspired by the logs of Captain Archer and crew,  Earth embarked on an accelerated campaign of ship building that the Vulcans could NOT stop.  Soon a ‘fleet’ of Earth vessels were Boldly Going Everywhere!  An expanding fleet needed resources, one of the main priorities of these voyages was to explore for items like Dilithium Crystals.  Sadly many of these vessels were never heard from again but, many came home.  Naturally a number of these voyages resulted in contact with new races, many of which, would eventually join with their visitors to form the United Federation of Planets.  While these beings were VERY alien, some were, at the same time VERY familiar.

It had been a LONG voyage for the Earth Crew and after almost five solar years they were on their way home!  Their computer banks filled with information that would keep Earth Analytical Experts busy for years.
Just off their course to the Galactic Center, lay a unremarkable, moderately sized yellow star named on the Vulcan Star Charts 15 Lyncis.  As the ship drew near, the scanners churned out data.  A Sol like sun, orbited by twelve planets and an asteroid belt.  As the scans continued, the readout reported the second planet was the only Class M world in the group.
Tuning into the frequency emissions coming from the system, the ship’s Communication’s Officer reports there appear to be signals coming from the direction of the Class M planet.  “Intelligent”, the Captain asks.  Using all the ship’s equipment and all her skills the Communication’s Officer attempts to find an answer.  Filtering out the back ground noise, signal harmonics, reflections and echos she finally arrives at a audible signal.  As she listens, a puzzled look crosses her face.  Seeing her change in expression the Captain ordered, “Let’s hear it!”  The Communication’s Officer punches a button and the sound, a vaguely familiar collection of growls and hisses are heard by all.  The ‘ALL’ include Morganna, who has been sleeping soundly in her favorite spot on top of the consoled that holds the usually unmanned Bridge Engineering Station’s Control Panel.  Suddenly awake, alert and ,hearing the sound crackling from the speaker, she arches her back, hisses and runs from the room, apparently frightened. 
Seeing her reaction to the sound and hearing little that would encourage him to contact this new race, the Captain is about to order his vessel to continue on with her journey home when the Science Officer reports, “The asteroid belt contains Dilithium!”  Dilithium, that wondrous crystal that makes faster than light travel possible!  Someone would have to try and contact this race!  However the Captain isn’t sure it should be him.
It has not only been a long voyage, it has been a dangerous one.  On more than one occasion contact with an alien race has ended badly.  The Captain’s mind thinks back to one race, one planet where he lost a crewman, a longtime friend.
Now if you haven’t already figured it out, Morganna is a cat.  More specifically, the pet of the Captain.  Like Archer’s dog Porthos, she has come along with her ‘human’ to ‘explore’ the universe.  Unlike Porthos who apparently urinated his way across the Alpha Quadrant, giving new meaning to ‘Boldly Going’, Morganna has always been more like crew than a pet.  In fact some of the alien dignitaries the vessel had hosted had inquired as to what post Morganna was assigned.  Sometimes the Captain would reply, half jokingly, “Councilor.”
One of the ‘duties’ she was involved in was helping to decide on a non-urgent plan of action.  The Captain only half believed she was really deciding anything but, it beat flipping a coin and its illogic bugged the hell out of the Vulcan ‘handler’ that had been originally assigned to the ship.  So the captain orders  the ‘equipment’ to be readied. Basically just two cards, one with the word ‘YES’ and one with the word ‘NO’ printed on them.  As they are placed on the deck in random spots, the Captain retrieves Morganna from where she is hiding and asking the question, “Should we contact the new race or continue on home”, puts her on the deck.  Later in the logs, all present would swear Morganna stood for an unusually long time, looked each one of the crew in the eyes and, then as if she had been pushed went strait to the ‘YES’ card and sat on it.  The captain, a bit surprised at his cat’s certainty, said, “It’s decided then!  Helm, plot a course for the system!”
Cautiously approaching the planet, looking for any sign that the natives knew of and/or objected to his approach, the Captain ponders the best way for first contact.  Unless his Communication’s Officer can crack the language, he might have to bypass this system and it’s wonders.  Even though instigation of the Prime Directive was years away, humans had progressed far enough to have out grown the “I need it, I take it” mind set.  So far there was no evidence that these creatures had ventured into space.  Do the inhabitants of this world know of other races on other worlds?  How best to announce to this race that they are NOT alone in the universe.  The Captain thinks of the turmoil the knowledge that “We Were Not Alone” caused on Earth not that long ago.
Nearing the planet, he is relieved and concerned to see that this race was NOT a stranger to space.  Orbiting the planet are numerous satellites and even a small space station.  Various suborbital craft shuttle between the surface and the station.  In addition, three tiny, interplanetary, non-warp ships orbit the planet not far from the station.  Now the Captain has a new problem, if these creatures are as sophisticated as this, they probably have the technology to detect his ship’s approach from some distance.  He order, “All engines stop”, hoping to give his Communications’s Officer time to get a handle on the language and him time to find a nonthreatening way of saying hello.
The Captain doesn’t have long to ponder his situation.  “We are being hailed!”, a startled Communication’s Officer reports.  “On screen”, the Captain orders.  None of the Bridge Crew is prepared for what they see.  The Captain would later record in his log, “The image of a black fur covered, triangular faced cat, complete with long whiskers and oval pupiled eyes appeared and began to speak.  The image was so catlike, I actually thought, for a second, that somehow Morganna had accessed a Com Unit and was what we were looking at.”
For a moment neither the Captain nor his Communication Officer does anything, obviously stunned.  The alien speaks again, with more urgency.  Jarring both out of their stunned silence.
Fortunately, the Communication’s Officer is almost as talented as the one on the Enterprise, actually one of her students and when the Captain asks, “Can you translate that.”  She is able to answer, “I . . .   I think so.”  (Note: when speaking feline languages, a human is ahead of the game if their “Mother Tongue” is one of the Romance Languages because, many “cat” words begin or end with what can only be described as a growl and, the closest a human can come to the sound is rolling the r’s like what is required on many words in French, Italian and especially Spanish.)
It turns out the aliens are friendly and want contact as much as does the ship’s crew.  Arraignments, of sorts, are made and the Captain picks the members of the Landing Party.
The vessel had left Earth before the transporter had been perfected and while the vessel is equipped with one, as of the last routine transmission from Earth Fleet Command, it is NOT recommenced for the transport of ‘living tissue’ or personnel.  To get to a planet’s surface, the Landing Party, forerunner of today’s Away Teams will use a Shuttle Craft.  Unknown to the Captain or any of the members of the Landing Party, on this occasion, the Shuttle has one extra, unauthorized passenger, Ship’s Councilor . . .   Morganna!
It is unknown why she decided to go on this mission, the Captain thought she, like most of her kind, really wasn’t very happy confined in a small moving vehicle.  A perception enforced by her reaction to the few rides she had been given.  It is also unknown how she managed to avoid discovery on the trip to the planet’s surface inside the cramped confines of those old shuttle craft but, she did.
As the vessel lands, a crowd gathers and, what are assumed to be Elders come to greet the visitors.  The shuttle craft’s door opens and, before the Captain knew or could stop her, Morganna, strolls out!  She is apparently not alarmed as she comes nose to nose with creatures many times her size yet with strangely familiar faces.  (A statue of this diminutive, midnight black, long furred, fearless, explorer, not the Captain now marks the spot of first contact) Taken by surprise and horrified his cat might be injured or even eaten, the Captain yells her name, sprints to where she stands and, roughly takes her up in his arms.  As he scolds her, the crowd begin to react . . .  badly.  Mothers, seeing this flat faced, round eared, almost hairless alien grab a creature that is the size of and looking something like their child or kit as they are called there, hiss, bare their fangs and, grab for their kits.  Their mates bare their fangs and, although unarmed, begin advancing on the armed group of humanoids that have emerged from the vessel. 
This glorious day might have ended in a massacre for one side or the other except for one thing, something that at the time the humans were just beginning to acknowledge, E.S.P.  Not their meager (at best) gift, but their cat’s.  As the first Elder nears the Captain and Morganna, in his mind he hears her say “STOP!  I am safe!”  Through her eyes, the human’s actions are somewhat explained although she admits the humans do many things she does not understand.  With her insight on human behavior, much more detailed than humans suspect, even today and guidance, the initial and following meetings go well.  It is she that insists that all human ambassadors to 15 Lyncis II called Cait by the Federation and Ferasa by the natives be accompanied by a ‘Councilor’ Cat.
When asked why she would do things she knew would make the human angry she answered, “I like to see the human change color!”.  She went on to say how there were even contests to see which pet could make its human change the most colors.

The Starfleet Officer, who was a Caitian went on to say, “I have to admit, to see the furless skin of a human change from white/pink to blood red and finally purple is fascinating, even after all the years I have been working with them!  I never made the connection with that and the story of first contact, until the day I made a “well known” Starfleet Admiral change color.”  Concerning the contests, considering the Admiral’s colors, I probably would have won!

Star Trek: Legends, The Inheritors

Many of the ‘Tall Tails’ have a message and possibly a kernel of truth.  Like this one I heard from a fellow captain while relaxing in Quark’s Bar.

[“FOOLS!  Will I have to kill them ALL?!?”  The Klingon Kor to his assistant regarding the inhabitants of the planet Organia.  (Errand of Mercy, Star Trek: TOS)]

From all survey reports and personal accounts, the newly discovered planet was a new Eden.  Billed as so Earth like, you hardly knew you were billions of miles from home!  Eager colonists flocked to this pristine world filled with the promise of a new and better life.  They planed and built a capitol city, complete with an Assembly Hall, Governor’s Residence and all the places people need.  The world was productive and generous, providing the colonists all they needed and more.  As time progressed, the colony flourished and grew wealthy.  Then . . .  well . . .  something happened.  A dark cloud fell over the world.  His name Hitler, Stalin, Hussein, Bin Laden, Khan, Bele, Kodos, Gul Darhe’el, is not important, best thrown into history’s cesspool and forgotten. For in being remembered, they are so honored.  Suffice it to say that he, like the company he belonged to, thought his vision was the ONLY one that mattered and, if you didn’t agree you should die!  What followed was predictable, war, destruction, death, darkness.  This Eden, like so many others, became a Hell.  The Federation, following its policy of not interfering, did nothing but ban its ships from visiting the world.  So, for a long time nothing was known of the ending, until now!

The family huddles together for warmth in the below ground level area of the ruins.  They had spent the summer in the mountains, hiding from the raiding parties.  They had gathered and preserved food and prepared for the coming winter.  They had intended to spend the winter in a cave in the mountains but, so had a group of the planet’s bear-like omnivores.  Unarmed, the father decided hiding in or near the city would be better than fighting the bears.  Besides, he knew, he hoped that with the winter, came a slow down in the war.
They had found this place.  Once a comfortable, upscale residence for one of the planet’s well-to-do citizens now, just a bombed out, blackened shell like the many others around it.  With nothing of value in the area, the father hoped no one would be snooping around.  Now a sound tells him his hopes might have been in vain.  The sound, the crunch of snow under a boot, signals the approach of someone.  The father tries to judge the number of those approaching and their direction by the sound but, like most humans, finds it impossible.  A gentle man by nature, the father searches the area for a weapon to protect his family.  All he can find, a thin wooden plank.  Not much against a phaser he thinks as the footfalls continue to come closer.  The father hopes whoever it is goes on his way.  His hopes are dashed as he hears a creak of the stairs that lead down to his families hiding place.  The father raises the plank, takes a deep, silent breath and, swings in the direction of the approaching intruder.  Seeing who it is, he manages to stop the plank’s arc just inches from the head of a dirty, rag clad, shivering little girl!  The child steps back, her brown eyes, wide with fright, begin to fill with tears.  With a rush of maternal instincts and probably fearing her crying might bring others, the mother hurries to the child, picks her up, dries her tears and, comforts her.
They question the child and find out that her parents are dead.  Her mother, just a few days ago from a ‘cough’ brought on by the cold and probably, judging from the condition of the little girl, lack of food.  After cleaning her up, the family and its guest sit down for the evening meal.
With the meal over, the family and its guest prepare for a cold night’s sleep.
Just as all are just dozing off it begins!  Softly, faintly at first, a sound carried on and blending with the bitterly cold wind.  The sound grows louder, the sound of . . .  voices!  The sound of voices . . .  singing!  The father looks at the mother, silently asking, “do you hear what I hear?”  Their questions are answered by their youngest asking, sleepily, “mommy, who’s singing?”  Try as they might, the family can’t ignore the sound.  Finally, consumed with curiosity and a bit angry that someone could be singing in this place, NOW, the father announces, “I’m going to find out what’s happening!”  He attempts to convince his wife to remain in the shelter with the children but, using the female logic of, ‘it’s better if we all face what’s happening as a family’, she gets the children up and readies them for the journey.
The group cautiously emerge from the ruins and head in the direction the sound seems to be coming from.  Through the dark, dirty streets they pick their way, trying to stay in the shadows, the sound growing ever louder.  They follow the sound of the “singing” to its source, the Assembly Hall.  As his family hides in the shadows, the father cautiously approaches the closed doors, his trembling hand reaching for the handles.  With one last look toward his wife and the children, he flings wide the doors.  ANIMALS!  The ‘singing’ the sound of the colonist’s animal’s howls and yowls, distorted by and added to the icy wind.
The last of the colonists, finally giving up their differences had sought shelter from the cold in the Hall.  Like most humans, they couldn’t bear to leave their beloved pets to fend for themselves so they were brought along.  Unfortunately, their animals were better equipped to survive the cold than their owners.  The humans had all frozen to death.  Their pets, hungry, thirsty and imprisoned began to panic and call for help.    

Actually I have heard two differing versions of the story, Humans tend to tell this version.  More animal-looking humanoids and those that embrace a different view of life say that the colonist’s pets were NOT calling for help but, saying a requiem for their foolish companions.

Star Trek: Federation Installation Nine, Episode 3 Settling In

Station Log, Stardate: 49710.31.

Repairs and upgrades are coming along nicely. Barring any unforseen problems, the station should be fully operational on schedule. Jacobs has almost finished the mating of the Federation computers to the Kzinti ones.  She has discovered, to her surprise, that I have a sense of humor so, occasionally as she is working in the Control Center she will catch a whiff of my ‘duty’, crinkle up her nose and say to me, “Bad Kitty! If I catch you marking anything else I will get the Water Bottle!” Then she will giggle and go about her work. She had to explain to me that a Water Bottle was a device humans used to ‘remind’ their feline companions that certain things were NOT allowed in certain places. It was known that a corporal reprimand, such as striking the creature with an object was extremely demeaning to it. They also thought that Earth felines did not like to get their fur wet so a quick squirt of water would be a ‘humane’ way of punishment. I did not tell Jacobs that I LIKE to get wet on occasion. Her surprise that I have a sense of humor surprises me. Just because felinoids do not understand their Knock Knock Jokes, humans think we have no sense of humor! If the truth was known, I know of no other life form that thinks Knock Knock Jokes are funny.
There is an interesting and somewhat disturbing note to my marking of the station. As I told Security-Chief, Caitians do not mark things however I speculate that a few million years of evolution are more of an influence than a few thousand years of civilization. It was strange but, during Security-Chief’s rant, I could, to paraphrase one of the lines a character, Kirk Rodenberrykicker or something like that said to his Deadeye Master in one of the many Star Trek-Wars Generation X something something, Earth Vids I enjoy watching, “I could ALMOST smell their fear!” As I went about doing my duty, I found myself experiencing a unfamiliar, wild, almost primal feeling. It was as if the station disappeared and I was transported back to the primordial jungle my prehistoric ancestors prowled. I could almost feel the weight of hundreds of pairs of fearful eyes watching as THE CAITIAN begins the patrol of HIS territory! What was even stranger was that I enjoyed, even reveled in the feeling! I would like to explore this newly discovered aspect of my psyche further if possible. 
In her spare time Jacobs has converted one of the station’s larger rooms and two of the smaller ones into a Holodeck and two Holosuites. I felt that because of our remoteness, these rooms would be vital to the well being of the crew as well as a tool that could be used to the benefit of the station. To begin exploring my ‘Wild Side" I am going to introduce my Kzinti Security-Chief to them this evening.  As I stop by the station’s Security Office, Security-Chief is giving last minute instructions to 4 of 5. I decided that 4 of 5's skills and talents could best be used assisting Security-Chief and making sure he follows ALL Federation rules regarding prisoners. In other words assuring that he does not EAT any! Seeing me, Security- Chief says, ”I will be ready shortly D’Sefet-Commander.” Finishing the instructions, he joins me. “I am sorry to keep you waiting D’Sefet-Commander.”, he says. “That ok Sssecurrrity-Chiefff, I ammm ppprobably bit earrrly. Arrre yooou rrready fffor dinnerrr?”, I question. “I am famished D’Sefet-Commander!”, he answers.  Before we leave, I ask 4 of 5, “How arrre thingsss gggoing 4?” “Very well sir!”, he answers. “Gggood 4.”, I say, “Keeppp uppp gggood worrrk.”
The station has yet to attract any commercial eating establishments so the only public place to eat is a small Mess/Meeting Hall in the Bazar area. As we reach its door, Security-Chief begins to enter. I stop him by saying, “That not where we eating tonight.” “But . . . Where?”, he inquires, looking around for another place.  I answer by taking a short walk over to the door to the Holodeck, “Herrre!” “THERE?!?”, he says joining me.  “Yesss, rrrun Sssef’sss Ppplain.”, I order. “Program Complete, you may enter when ready.”, the computer says.  Kzinti have a GREAT distrust of machines that talk and, Security-Chief is no exception. However as I take a step forward and, the doors open, what he sees tweaks his curiosity. I enter and he cautiously follows. We step through the door and onto Earth’s, Africa’s, Serengeti Plain.  It is late after noon, just after the start of the dry season, a slight breeze blows from the south stirring up miniature tornadoes I think are called ‘Dust Devils’ in the tall, dry grass. We are standing on a hill overlooking a terrain feature called a ‘Watering Hole’. “How is all this possible D’Sefet-Commander?!? We ARE still on the station, are we not?”, Security-Chief questions, as he surveys the scene. “Yooou have nnneverrr ssseen Hhholodeck?”, I ask. “Holodeck? No, but I have heard stories of the Human’s Room of Mirages that they play in.”, he replies with disdain as he bends down to pluck a blade of grass, “But this is REAL!” “Therrre mmmorrre to it than jussst imagesss.”, I reply, adding, “And it cannn be usssed fffor morrre than ‘ppplay’.” “This is truly marvelous D’Sefet-Commander but, forgive me, I am becoming hungrier!”, Security-Chief says adding with urgency, “Where IS dinner.” “It on it’sss way.”, I answer motioning to an approaching herd of animals. “ORrr ifff yooou pppreferrr ‘fffassst fffood’.”, I indicate a group of Gazelles drinking at the Watering Hole. “Are you suggesting we make a kill?!?”, Security-Chief asks somewhat hesitantly. “I thought Kzinnnti liked tooo hunt.”, I reply. “We DO but, those are not real animals . . . ARE THEY?”, he says. Holo technology has improved over the years so I can truly answer, “Theirrr mmmeat asss rrreal and asss fffilling asss any yooou would get fffrom Rrreplicatorsss in Messs Hall.”  He considers what I have said for a moment and then asks as he eyes me, “How are your hunting skills D’Sefet- Commander?” Caitians, like most more advanced creatures, gave up hunting for survival a long time ago but, we, like all creatures still retain an instinct for it. As kits, we instinctively played at games once designed to develop and sharpen those skills. So I answer, “It beennn long timmme sssince I chasssed sssqueek acrrrossss fffield but, ifff that ssskill isss, asss humansss sssay, ‘Like fffalling offf bicycle’ orrr isss it ‘Rrriding log’, oh well . . . neverrr lossst, thennn I think I ammm rrready! What creaturrre dooo yooou want tooo go afterrr?”  “I think I would like to have one of the stout creatures with the shorter horns. It’s head would make a wonderful display for my office.”, he answers. I was hoping he would pick one of the smaller creatures but, “Capppe Bufffalo it isss thennn!”, I say.
The first order of business is a plan. Felines usually hunt in one of three styles. If there is a group, like the females in a lion pride, they will stalk in relays with each hunter following the chosen prey until she is tired and another one starting where she left off. In that way the group can tire out an animal so it can easily be caught.  Unfortunately there are only two of us. The second method is to simply chase the animal and pounce on it as it stumbles. This method works well for cheetah but, I know I do not have the speed or stamina for such a hunt and, I doubt the Kzinti has it either. The third method is to hide near where the prey is and, wait for one to become careless. Much like an Earth house cat hunts a mouse. However this method is VERY time consuming and requires massive amounts of patience. Because of the Kzinti philosophy of ‘Scream and Leap’ I KNOW the Kzinti does NOT have the resolve for this method!  Being intelligent creatures, we decide on a plan that suits our limited abilities. I will try and selectively panic a few of the Buffalo into running toward where Security-Chief will be laying in wait in the tall grass, instead of the entire herd charging, in mass, at me as is their nature when threatened. If luck is with us, he will be able to pounce on one of the passing animals and hold it until I can join him in bringing it down. I hope this plan suits both the Kzinti’s ‘Scream and Leap’ mentality and my physical limitations.  After warning Security-Chief that I have lowered the Holodeck’s Protection Protocol to give the prey every chance to escape, in other words, horns will gore, just not deeply and, hooves will break any bone except the skull, and, that the mature Cape Buffalo males can weigh close to a ton, to which he hungrily replied, “GREAT!”, we begin. We spend almost an hour crawling through the tall, dry grass getting into position. We have to take care to keep up wind of the herd so our sent does not panic them prematurely. I have to tell you, for a creature that has evolved to walk on two legs, moving about on paws and knees is a little tough. Especially if the creature is a bit ‘over the hill’ as humans say. Eventually both Security-Chief and I reach our positions on either side of the herd. After taking a moment to make sure Security-Chief is ready, I rise up and do my best to roar like a lion. Although my ‘roar’ is a bit weak, fortunately my appearance does panic a few in the herd. As three of the younger animals break from the rest and head for Security-Chief’s position, I follow, doing my best to keep up with them and keep them on course. The lead animal passes Security-Chief’s position unmolested.  Just as I am wondering if the Kzinti has frozen in the heat of the hunt, I hear a sound that has never been heard on the plains of the Serengeti. A roar that could not be equaled by a whole pride of lions roaring in unison. The Kzinti suddenly makes a leap at the second buffalo . . . and misses. For an instant he lays face down in the dust but, quickly gathers himself and rises. The expression on his face is a wild mixture of excitement for the hunt, anger and disgust at missing the prey and, intense concentration. Fortunately his sudden appearance slows the third animal’s pace just enough for Security-Chief to set himself for another leap, and this time he is successful.  As he locks himself around the neck of the buffalo, and tries to position himself so he can use his fangs to kill it, I catch up. I make my own leap, landing on the animal’s back. My added weight slows the animal and enables Security-Chief to wrestle it to the ground and sink his teeth into a jugular. Death comes quickly but, the buffalo does not die meekly, kicking, bucking and, thrashing about as it lies on its side beneath us. As I try and hold on to the animal, I consider what I have learned about humans and the period in their history where they were hunters. As far as they can determine, no human ever hunted bare pawed, even the earliest hunters were armed with a heavy stone or tree branch. I wonder if humans would have survived to prowl the stars if they had to feed themselves like the early Caitian/Kzinti did. Even the humans that called themselves ‘native’, before they had invented the weapon they called the bow and arrow killed their prey safely. They would find a convenient cliff and run an entire herd over it, killing all. What a waste from a group that claimed they revered the land and animals!
FINALLY it is over, the buffalo is still. I release my hold on the creature and roll off it into the grass and, rest there a minute trying to catch my breath. As I do, Security-Chief releases his hold, kneels on the ground near the creature and, begins working on it. As I recover from the kill I see that Security-Chief has already torn the beast’s belly open with his sharp claws and is in the process of picking out the choice internal organs. He has already swallowed the heart, whole and, is in the process of devouring the liver before remembering me.  “Forgive me D’Sefet-Commander!”, he says, his mouth dripping with blood, “In the excitement I forgot, as superior officer, I should have let you have the honor of first meat.” “That quite all rrright Sssecurrrity- Chiefff.”, I begin, thankful that I do not have to display my lack of knowledge in dressing a kill to him, “Yooou did mmmossst of the worrrk and took mmmossst offf the rrrisksss.” “THIS IS GLORIOUS!”, he exclaims as he hands me a slab of raw abdominal muscle the size of my head, “You have truly captured the Kzinti’s idea of paradise here!” Although I prefer my meat blood rare, I do like it cooked. As I hold the bloody piece of meat in my paw, wondering what it will taste like, Security-Chief notices my hesitation and says, “I am sorry, I should have allowed you to choose your own meat instead of giving you a piece like I would a kit.” “Nnno, thisss piece fffine.”, I say as I bring it to my mouth. The first thing I notice is that fresh, raw meat has a strong, distinctive odor that is not related to what animal it comes from. A strangely salty smell that reminds one of an ocean.  Although the smell is usually still present when the meat is cooked, even rare, the heat and seasonings make it far less noticeable. I also notice the comparatively cool temperature. I find the difference between oven and body temperature, having more that once burnt my mouth with my first piece of cooked meat, comforting. As I sink my teeth into it, I find it is considerably chewier than when it is cooked which, is not a bad thing. As I begin chewing and the juices begin to run down my throat, I begin to get that primal feeling again. This time even stronger!
Security-Chief and I both eat our fill of meat but, all too soon, it comes time to return to our duties. As he stands, he staggers slightly and, I notice that not all the blood on his uniform is from the buffalo. An alarming amount of it has come from and is still coming from a wound on his right side under his ribs. As I rip a piece of cloth from his uniform and use it to apply pressure to the wound, he says, “I guess the beast got in a lucky swipe!” “We nnneed get yooou tooo Sssick Bay!”, I say, moving to steady him. “I will be all right D’Sefet - Commander, if you will help me to my rooms I can treat it.”, he argues. “That ISss ssseriouss wound Sssecurrrity-Chiefff! I want Ssselarrr tooo trrreat it!”, I order. “BUT Selar IS A FEMALE! As well as a grass eater!”, Security-Chief protests. “That trrrue but, Ssstarfffleet rrregulationsss RrrEQUIRrrE that injurrred pppersssonal MUSssT, ifff posssible, be exammmined and trrreated by doctorrr. Like it orrr nnnot, asss Chiefff offf Sssecurrrity on thisss ssstation, Kzinti orrr not, yooou arrre coverrred by thossse rrregulationsss! Now ifff yooou arrre up tooo it, let usss go!”, I explain. With a dip of his tail, a sign of resignation, we leave the Holodeck.  “What happened to you two?”, Dr. Selar questions in her ‘mater-of-fact’ way as the door to Sick Bay slides open and, I realize I look as disheveled as Security-Chief. “We werrre having dinnnerrr.”, I answer, prompting a raised eyebrow from Selar, “He hurrrt.” Selar joins me in helping the large Kzinti male over to an examination bed. “You were ONLY having dinner?”, she questions as she examines Security-Chief’s wound, “With whom . . . KLINGONS?!?” Not understanding what humanoids call sarcasm and forgetting Selar is a female as she begins to treat his injury, Security-Chief answers, “No, alone.” As an uncharacteristic smirk forms on her face, she comments, “This is a serious injury Commander, he has lost a considerable amount of blood.” “Yooou arrre confffident enough tooo trrreat Kzinti arrre yooou nnnot?”, I question, wondering what, if any medical information the Federation Database has on the Kzinti. “I have not had any experience with the Kzinti but, it has been my experience so far that mammalian physiology is similar throughout the galaxy.”, she assures me as she treats the injury, “With a few days rest, he will be as healthy as before.” “A FEW DAYS! I have duties to tend to!”, Security-Chief roars in protests. “Thossse rrregulationsss we werrre talking about alssso ssstate that SssHE can rrremove YOooU fffrom duty on Fffederrration fffacility fffor asss long asss SssHE ssseesss fffit.  SssO corrrporrrate with HERrr!”, I advise the unhappy Kzinti. “May I at least be permitted to serve my sentence in private, in my quarters instead of on display in this place!”, Security-Chief humbly asks. “As long as you follow my instructions, I see no logical reason why that won’t be acceptable.”, Selar answers with unVulcan-like understanding.
I have been sore ALL day! As a Starfleet officer, I am in fairly good shape but, bare pawed hunting is seldom ever needed in space. Jacobs found it amusing and amazing that I was aching. I find it strange that humanoids are surprised that creatures other than their beasts of burden and themselves get aches and pains in their muscles and joints. Just because we came from creatures that could NOT afford to show any sign of weakness lest they become victims of other hunters, we can hurt just like the ones that once lived safe in the trees. As my watch ends I make my way to Security-Chief’s quarters, I have a gift for him. Arriving at his door, I find he does not respond. Growing concerned I ask the computer, “What isss prrresssent location offf Sssecurrrity-Chiefff?”  “Security-Chief is in his office.”, the computer answers in a voice and manner unusual for Federation Computers. As I head to the Security Office I reflect on my experience with ‘thinking’ machines. Like most advanced creatures, Caitians have been dealing with computers in one form or another for many centuries and talking ones for as long as any in the Federation has. I had yet to sign a board the old Enterprise the time the computer, after having been given a female ‘personality’, developed a love for Admiral Kirk. However I was training as a cadet on her when the computer was affected by an interstellar creature and began playing what humans call ‘practical jokes’ on the crew. The Bozeman’s computer was mostly a non-personality, with a somewhat monotone male voice that was standard equipment for vessels of her era. I must admit that I never got use to the more expressive, female voiced units of newer Federation ships. Even though I have heard that at least in the case of Earth’s ‘house cat’, that the reason it responds to better to females than males is the pitch of the female voice. Our unique pairing of Federation and Kzinti technology has endowed the station’s computer with a voice that sounds somewhat feminine and yet very feline. It is even prone to hiss, growl and purr on occasion.  All very natural sounding to me but, it has unnerved a few of the station’s personnel. Reaching the office, I see Security-Chief sitting behind his desk. “I thought Doctorrr Ssselarrr orrrderrred yooou tooo rrrest in yourrr quarrrtersss.”, I comment as I enter. “I got board in my rooms!”, Security-Chief answers defensively. “I cleared it with Doctor Selar.”, 4 answers, adding, “As long as Security-Chief rests behind his desk, she is satisfied.” “Fffine, but yooou rrresponsssible in ssseeing that he doesss.”, I say. 4 of 5 nods in acceptance and goes back to his work. “I have prrresssent forrr yooou Sssecurrrity-Chiefff!’, I announce as I momentarily step out the office’s door and return with a rather large, odd shaped package. As Security-Chief’s eyes blaze with anticipation, as I set the package before him on his desk. He eagerly tears at the wrappings and then stops as the item is revealed, saying, “D’Sefet-Commander, you are to kind! You remembered my trophy!”, Turning to 4 of 5, he continues, as he proudly holds the head in his paws, “This is the head of the beast that wounded me. It will make a fine display for that wall.” “Yesss but, yooou NnnOT tooo ppput it uppp yourrrselfff . . . underrrssstand?”, I inquire. “I will take care of it.”, 4 of 5 answers before Security-Chief can.  “Excccellent! Nnnow ifff yooou excussse me, it hasss beennn long day.”, I say. “Yes D’Sefet-Commander and, thank you for my gift!”, Security-Chief answers. I leave him admiring his trophy.
Cat am I sore! I wonder if the liniment humans call Tiger Balm will work on Caitians?